


take me back

by mytsukkishine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bokuto loves Akaashi so much, Dealing with Emotions, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytsukkishine/pseuds/mytsukkishine
Summary: He suddenly found himself on the floor, kneeling and gasping for air as his hands clutched his chest for dear life. He didn't say anything. There weren't tears pooling his eyes. It just so hard to breathe. He felt trapped, unable to grasp the situation happening- unable to accept the fact that his lover couldn't remember him anymore.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	take me back

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> i wrote this fic 2017, and I decided to re-write it for reasons! :D I will not link here the old story because I might delete it soon. But i do hope you enjoy this angsty bit I give you ;A;  
> get ready for some tissue lovelies! 
> 
> enjoy!  
> (excuse grammars and such plss)
> 
> song used  
> [The Night We Met by Lord Huron](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGF7PswOENQ)

Fighting off the sting in his eyes, Bokuto steps out of the door before closing it behind him. Still a little daze and surprise, he fails to notice his friend looking at him with worry in his eyes as he gently places his hand over his shoulder.

It’s warm and soothing, but not enough to calm Bokuto’s heart.

“Bo…” It’s Kuroo, and the way he calls out for him is heartbreaking. So full of pity. Sadness. Helplessness that Bokuto finds himself after on his knees with his hands on his chest, clutching his shirt for dear life in hopes to feel something, anything to prove that all of this is a dream. A very bad dream.

But as he feels a sharp pain running up his knees and chest, he knows he isn’t—that this is real, everything that happened earlier was real.

Bokuto stares at the ground with wide, feeling tired all of a sudden, trap in his own thoughts, and unable to move.

Stuck and unable to accept the situation.

But there aren’t any tears pooling in his eyes right now.

“Fuck!” He shouts as he slams his fist down on the tiled floor. He goes for another but if it isn’t for Kuroo, his fist might’ve been bleeding now. He isn’t really like this, he doesn’t even curse. Bokuto isn’t really the kind of person, but tonight broke something in him.

“Akaashi… he—”

“Bo,” Kuroo calls out for him once more, his friend now kneeling before him with his hand on his back rubbing soothing circles.

But it still not enough. Not comforting enough. He wants Akaashi.

It hurts. His heart hurts and at this point, all Bokuto wants is to be in that room where his lover lay awake, but he just can’t because Akaashi doesn’t— Bokuto’s thoughts pauses as soon as he hears footstep coming in hurriedly before stopping just in front of him, followed by pants. 

Bokuto recognizes who those shoes belonged to, he helped Kuroo pick it for him.

“Is Akaashi-san okay? What happened?” Tsukishima asks frantically, worry evident in his voice, and honestly, it’s the first time he got to hear so much emotion in the tall blond’s voice. He’s usually stoic like his Akaashi.

_His Akaashi._

“Kei, Akaashi is okay, he’s just—”

_Why can't you..._

“Akaashi can’t fucking remember me!” Bokuto’s voice echoes through the hallway, causing some eyes to land of them but he doesn’t care. He’s hurting. Every second makes it harder for him to breathe.

He wants to cry but-

He closes his eyes after as he feels a bad headache coming. He didn’t mean to be rude, he didn’t want to be rude. But just by hearing his boyfriend’s name is enough for him to ache all over again.

He wants to say sorry to them, for shouting and cursing out of the blue.

But he can’t. Like his tears, it just won’t come out.

_And then I can tell myself_ _  
What the hell I'm supposed to do  
And then I can tell myself  
Not to ride along with you_

One month and three weeks later, Bokuto finds himself standing inside the gym, wide eyes watching intently as his teammates welcome Akaashi back, who just returned from the hospital a week ago and is now ready to attend classes once more. 

The gym was big, cool inside, and Bokuto’s safe have, but it suddenly feels small, the air becoming humid and heavy to the point where Bokuto feels like he had just run a mile after.

Akaashi then turns to look at him, smiling brightly.

Bokuto’s breath hitches.

“Hi,”

After a few seconds of shamelessly gaping, Bokuto snaps out of his trance and gives the other a nod, “Oh, Akaashi…” He didn’t fail to notice how his teammates look at him sadly. Akaashi smiles again, taking a few steps towards him before stopping, “I remember you!”

Bokuto suddenly couldn’t breathe. He can’t believe that after not seeing Akaashi for a month, his beauty and presence is still able to take his breath away.

“Really?”

“You were

“You were at the hospital, right? I didn’t know you were the… vice-captain,” Akaashi’s smile is blinding as always, but Bokuto can sense the uneasiness coming from him.

Who wouldn’t, right? When you don’t know why your vice-captain was worried sick the moment you woke up in the hospital.

And as practice resumes with Akaashi on the bleachers watching his ‘team’ practice, everything’s going smoothly. Everyone is functioning well.

Except for Bokuto.

“Bo, you fine?”

No, he feels helpless. Akaashi is just sitting there, not playing with them. His eyes aren’t on him like how he’s used to.

“Yeah,” Bokuto answers as he puts a hand over his nape, “Uhm, can I take five?” Kuroo, their captain and his friend, gives him a nod but not without offering him a look of concern which Bokuto dismisses after. And as the practice resumes without him, Bokuto makes his way towards one of the benches, ignoring how their coach eyes him warily, and just grabbed hold of his water bottle and towel.

He takes a seat, eyes landing on Akaashi who’s busy watching the game.

And the longer he stares at the love of his life who just won’t look at him, the more he feels his world crumbling down. Taking a deep breath, Bokuto walks out of the gym and into the open air where he can somehow breathe properly.

No matter how much he wants to stay with Akaashi’s presence near him, he just can’t. He’s afraid that he might run up to him and hug him, beg him to remember him.

He just can’t do that to Akaashi.

~*~

“Akaashi quitted volleyball club earlier,” Bokuto nods his head as he continues to eat his lunch, ignoring Kuroo and Tsukishima’s eyes one him. He then grabs one meat from his container before forcing it down his throat, his stomach churning – either from fullness or the information given to him.

But he doesn’t care.

“Bokuto-san…” Tsukishima calls out gently, but once again receives nothing from the other. Bokuto continues to eat, continue to reminisce about the memories he had with Akaashi- his smile, his laughter, his everything. He suddenly starts to think about the ‘what-ifs’.

What if Akaashi takes back his resignation at the club? What if Akaashi is just playing tricks on them? What if Akaashi remembers him tomorrow—Bokuto pauses, feels all the air in his system locked as he coughs up violently, letting out all the things he ate.

Bokuto finds Kuroo beside him, hands over his back while Tsukishima helps him by calming him down and offering him his water.

Out of breath, out of hope. Still, as he takes in deep breathes, there were no tears pouring down his eyes. No matter how soothing those hands on his back right now, it’s still useless.

Useless. Like their love story.  
  


_I don't know what I'm supposed to do_ _  
Haunted by the ghost of you_

Akaashi has beautiful hands and Bokuto likes them—no, loves them. A little rough on the edge from years of volleyball practice, but once he held them in his, their fingers entwining together fitting so perfectly—Bokuto loves holding Akaashi’s hands. It’s soft, warm, and full of care.

And seeing those hands hold someone else’s, Boktuo wonders if they too find Akaashi’s hands perfect.

Running towards the bathroom, Bokuto opens one cubicle and inhales.

Out of breath, feels like drying.

He then releases all the food he ate since morning, throat hurting and constricting, his stomach protesting at the lack of contents.

It hurts, but still, he didn’t cry.

~*~

“I thought you’ll be more like your team,” A voice from behind surprises Bokuto a little bit, he quickly turns around, eyes squinting a little because of the dim lights above, only to see Akaashi standing before him.

He isn’t looking at him though, too busy laughing at his teammates who’re dancing wildly in the middle of the court.

“Ah…” Bokuto gives him a nod, not caring if he looks downright stupid at how speechless he is right now because even with the odd lights and loud banging of music, Akaashi looks so beautiful. So handsome. Like the first time they met at the gym where a first-year Akaashi tried out for the team. The same handsome Akaashi who looked up at him before flashing him a small shy smile that captured Bokuto’s heart right there.

But now, the Akaashi before him is different. Same smile, same looks, but just different.

Bokuto still loves him though.

Akaashi then smiles at him, looking all clean and proper with the suit he’s on, unlike Bokuto who has his sleeves folded up to his elbow with two buttons of his shirt off. 

“I’m… I don’t really feel like dancing,” Bokuto finally answers after a couple of silence, his voice breaking a little. He feels hot and nervous, his hands sweaty as his eyes look anywhere but Akaashi’s.

He badly want to hold him, say something just to make Akaashi’s eyes remain on him. To make him remember him.

“Hmm… say, want to dance?”

“Wha—” Before Bokuto can comprehend what’s happening, he suddenly finds himself being pulled towards the dancefloor. He didn’t mind the students he bumps along the way, or how his eyes catch Kuroo and Tsukishima’s worried gaze on him because his focus right now is the hand on his.

Akaashi’s hand on his.

Once in the middle of the dancing bodies, both of them are once again silent with Akaashi looking up at him.

Bokuto clears his throat, heart beating violently against his chest as he rubs his nape nervously. “So, dance—”

  
_I had all and then most of you_  
_Some and now none of you_

“You’re very precious…” Akaashi starts off, his eyes no longer looking at him.

Bokuto isn’t wearing any tie, but he sure does feel like suffocating at the moment.

“A very kind person, but… you deserve someone who won’t forget you…” Even with the music blaring happily, and the lights flickering in and out above, Bokuto hears him clearly.

Sees him clearly.

Too bad Akaashi just _can’t see him clearly._

“I’m sorry…” Akaashi reaches forward and grab hold of Bokuto’s hand. He feels something cold in his palm and then when Akaashi lets go, his insides churn uncomfortably once his eyes lands on his hand.

_It’s hard to breathe._

“I think I broke whatever promises this ring held… I’m sorry,” Bokuto continues to stare at the ring as tears start to pool his eyes. It’s the ring Bokuto gave on their anniversary- he remembered clearly how happy Akaashi was, how thankful, and how he promised to love him and only him.

It pains to know that the ring did hold so many promises and that Akaashi’s the first one to break all of it.

With his heart drumming violently against his ribcage, he remains in place as Akaashi slowly brings his hand up and cups his cheeks ever so gently. He opens his mouth, about to say something, but then Akaashi leans forward and lands a soft kiss on his cheeks.

He smiles, says his apologies once more before turning away.

Walking out of his life. Of them.

No more promises.

Bokuto suddenly bolts out of the gym, passing by some students who complained as he bumps into them. And as he finally makes it out, he continues to run. Run until he reaches an empty hallway full of lockers—then he trips, body landing harshly on the cemented floor.

Everything hurts. From his legs, body, arms, and his heart. Boktuo lays there on the cold floor, the music from the gym can still be heard but nothing beats the harsh pounding of his heart as the tears finally escape its restraints.

Bokuto cries out. Big fat tears rolling down his eyes like a broken faucet that can’t be fixed. All those memories of him and Akaashi come pouring down like the tears in his eyes.

He can’t breathe. His chest hurts.

“Akaashi…” he whispers, choking out a sob after. “You didn’t even try…” Bokuto slowly moves to a fetal position, holding dearly at the ring that held so many memories close to his heart.

The ring that held so many promises.

The ring didn’t mean anything to Akaashi anymore.

But he still loved him, anyway.

_Take me back to the night we met_

**Author's Note:**

> do tell me what u think pls ;A;
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated! <3
> 
> reach out to me  
> twitter and tumblr - mytsukkishine  
> discord - mytsukkishine#7169


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